Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
