she was so not down for the gang bang
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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