was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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