woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
