sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
A+ Viking dick
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
