Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
