all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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