Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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