Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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