I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
worst night to have a conscience
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
