Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
pray to the hookup gods
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
