the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
