Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
