sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
