I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
