I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
