I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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