I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
