I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
