His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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