Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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