I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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