My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize