Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
