Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
