I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the condom got lost in my hair
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
