oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
