omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
