Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
