Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
