He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I deserve this hangover.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
