I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
