thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
