He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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