3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I deserve this hangover.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
