Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
