So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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