Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
