I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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