Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
why do cheetos always look like penises
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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