he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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