So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
