Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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