im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
