when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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