my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
