guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
me + whiskey = a bad person
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
