I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize