So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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