put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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