So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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