people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
