you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
