That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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