I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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