I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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