My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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