You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
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He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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