Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
