and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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