so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
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It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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