Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Randomize
