Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
