I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize