i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
