you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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