Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
