Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
