Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
