I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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