I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
