So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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