I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
