Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
