I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
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I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
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My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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