Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't turn off my feet"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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