I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
