my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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