The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
