I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
