I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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