You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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