I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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