i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
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My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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