This is not my ceiling
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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