ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
